hello there once again
i really am bad at posting fairly often but i hope once i get back at school and have more of a schedule and less of a work-slave relationship with myself i'll have more time for publishing a lot of thoughts i've been thinking about for quite some time.
today i had a revelation, hence this post.
i was in my bathroom, brushing my teeth with some fancy "make your teeth THE MOST WHITE EVER" toothpaste and i became aware. i became aware of a lot of things that had never really hit me so hard before,
i looked around the bathroom.
everything in there seemed to jumping out at me aggressively and i actually had to sit down on the floor and think about what was going in my head.
every product in there seemed to scream out at me USE MEEEEE MAKE YOURSELF BETTTTTTERRRR
it was upsetting to say the very least!
i have always been of the mindset "don't compare yourself to others, you have no idea what their journey is all about" it is my favourite quote a friend of mine once said to me and i have never really forgotten or let go of it. what does this have to do with me in the bathroom? let me explain a little better.
i realized i didn't have to have the whitest teeth in the world, and i didn't need sun bleaching shampoo to lighten my already light blonde hair, and i didn't need face makeup to hide my face tan and my freckles, i didn't need mascara to hide my blonde eyelashes (i'm a lifeguard just fyi so summertime = sunbleached hair and very very tanned skin.. and a sunglasses tan of course) i felt sick. i had become this monster consuming these things to look like those i had seen walking around or in pictures or magazines. it wasn't even that i don't like the way i look.. i just felt as though it wasn't what i SHOULD look like. i really hate the word should. all the guilt and implications and comparisons of opinions and judgements just really get me raging. besides the point. i generally like my looks, i love my natural curl hair state, my tan makes it clear how much i love nature and the glowing blonde eyebrows and eyelashes really tie in the whole unique look i have in the summer, but i had been so caught up in my comparisons of what i SHOULD look like and dress like, i had completely forgotten that i already liked my look. i then, on the bathroom floor started smiling, and crying. i felt a little crazy but i just went with it. i was happy that i had realized this before it had gone on any longer, but i was sad it even got so far. i began to examine the thoughts i had been having lately and they mostly seemed to be comparisons of me versus other people. i wasn't as tanned as that girl. i'm not as blonde as her. my hair isn't that curly. my legs aren't that muscley. my voice doesn't sound like hers. i'm not as smart as him and i'm not as fast at running as that other girl and this and that and all these things. a cloud of negative thoughts i'd been unconsciously having floated off me as i sat there laughing and crying on the bathroom mat. i didn't matter if i was or wasn't those things, if i could honestly say to myself "hey! you're pretty awesome and i'm pretty okay with being me! as far as people go, we're pretty great!" i have a few things i do personally wish to work on (physical endurance and general health within the body and calmness in my mind) but those things aren't related to another. they are simply just me noticing things about myself that i personally would like to invest time in to exploring. and so, i leave you with that my friends, as silly as it sounds, better yourself, and you won't find yourself worrying about who's better than you.
oh and if you're wondering about the title... give the song a listen.. if you're not already a Led Zeppelin fan, you will be. particularly.. "Why don't you take a good look at yourself and describe what you see,
and babyyyyy, baby, baby, do you like it?
There you sit, sitting spare like a book on a shelf rustin',
ahhhhhhhh, not trying to fight it.
You really don't care if they're comin'; oh, oh,
I know that it's all a state of mind."
:)
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