my thoughts were so loud I couldn't hear my mouth,

i don't have much to say, i'm just attempting to figure out my head per usual. i just went on a complete spree at the grocery store and i feel really great about it. i'm going to attempt something new for myself after a serious illness i've been feeling for quite sometime. it hit an all-time low waking up sweaty and disorientated in a different room than where i fell asleep, with no idea how it happened and a terrifying feeling in my heart. i don't want to live like this. i don't ever want to feel that horrible inhuman feeling ever again. so i'm banishing it, just like the fog. i'm banishing it and taking in life instead of negative vibes. i've cut out alot of people from my life recently, and its been calming although sad. i feel now as though i have infinitely more free time now that i'm not attempting to please everyone, only to receive negative feedback and energy from them anyways. so that's that. i went on vacation last week and that is what really sealed the deal. i've found, i don't really need people. i don't care to talk to them and i really enjoy being with myself. i have always felt the need to be around others all the time to keep myself happy but i found it is not what makes me happy. i make myself happy. and don't get me wrong, i have the best family and the best friends in the world. i love each of them to bits. but the other people.. well.. there's a reason i didn't return your call or tell you when i was in town. i don't really care to. i'd rather be out with my dogs walking on the lake or driving to a field just to enjoy the smell of crisp (and freezing cold) air. nothing in the world is better than that. anyways what i wanted to say was that this week i'm trying for only eating food straight from the ground. i'm excited.. i'll keep you posted on the feelings i get from it.

here's a photo of the fridge at day one.